2005-11-13 - 7:31 a.m.
Last night I dreamed that I ran into the man who raped me. He was wearing a business suit and carrying a laptop bag. When he saw me his jaw fell, he dropped his bag and ran.
I chased him.
I caught him.
Clinging with my fingernails, I dragged behind him until he fell heavily to the ground. I kicked him and punched him. I grabbed his head with my hands and slammed the back of his skull into the concrete below. I slapped and clawed and ripped frantically while tears streamed down my face.
A crowd gathered to stop me but I started screaming, "He raped me he raped me he raped me he raped me" and soon the crowd was helping me punch and kick.
My frenzy quieted. I stood, held him in place by pressing my foot on his neck, and said calmly to the wheezing bruised face below me, "You raped me and hurt me but you can't hurt me anymore."
I removed my foot to walk away and he stumbled up and ran ran ran away crying.
A young woman watching cried, "I work for his company, he's my boss, he's a good man!" "He raped me. Go tell everyone at his company that he raped a woman."
So she did.
(The truth is, I don't want to hurt anyone because I am happy everyday now and I pity and it is over.)
I had a dream that I was running through a golden-green field and the power in my legs, my thighs, was nearly frightening. Each step thundered and propelled me farther and farther, until I was running across the sky and laughing cloud laughter.
The power in my bones and muscles was red and warm.
I am not the same girl who lived in this body six months ago, a year ago, two years ago, six years ago. Not the same body, everything rejuvinates.
i am the snow i am the snow i happen to be the snow
